1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Watch any video online with Open-SUBTITLES Free Browser extension: osdb.link/ext 2 00:00:22,365 --> 00:00:30,365 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:32,442 --> 00:00:40,442 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:47,157 --> 00:00:51,394 ♪ In My Life What I Thought Could never be ♪ 5 00:00:52,828 --> 00:00:58,833 ♪ Is Alive And It Is Better than a dream ♪ 6 00:00:58,834 --> 00:01:03,806 ♪ Never Thought I'd surrender to desire ♪ 7 00:01:05,575 --> 00:01:09,379 ♪ Hey, Hey Your place or mine ♪ 8 00:01:11,147 --> 00:01:16,651 ♪ We Have Danced Like Two moths around a flame ♪ 9 00:01:16,652 --> 00:01:22,857 ♪ Never Touching 'Cause We've always been afraid ♪ 10 00:01:22,858 --> 00:01:27,797 ♪ But I Know What I Need With you I'll find ♪ 11 00:01:29,532 --> 00:01:34,304 ♪ Hey, Hey Your place or mine ♪ 12 00:01:35,738 --> 00:01:41,343 ♪ Dim The Lights And pour the wine ♪ 13 00:01:41,344 --> 00:01:44,213 ♪ If It's Your Place Or it's my place ♪ 14 00:01:44,214 --> 00:01:47,216 ♪ I Don't Think I really care ♪ 15 00:01:47,217 --> 00:01:53,222 ♪ Just As Long As You Are there until tomorrow ♪ 16 00:01:53,223 --> 00:01:55,957 ♪ Is It Your Place Is it my place ♪ 17 00:01:55,958 --> 00:01:59,328 ♪ We Can Find Love Anywhere ♪ 18 00:01:59,329 --> 00:02:05,434 ♪ Think Of Everything We'll share for all tomorrows ♪ 19 00:02:05,435 --> 00:02:09,539 ♪ There's So Much That Devotion has to give ♪ 20 00:02:11,407 --> 00:02:17,512 ♪ When Desire Makes Two people want to live ♪ 21 00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:22,285 ♪ When It Feels Like It's Real Well, that's a sign ♪ 22 00:02:24,287 --> 00:02:30,292 ♪ Hey, Hey Your place or mine ♪ 23 00:02:30,293 --> 00:02:36,398 ♪ Dim The Lights And pour the wine ♪ 24 00:02:36,399 --> 00:02:41,571 ♪ We've Been Waiting For forever ♪ 25 00:02:42,972 --> 00:02:48,443 ♪ Now We Know Where we belong ♪ 26 00:02:48,444 --> 00:02:53,583 ♪ And As Long As We're together ♪ 27 00:02:55,285 --> 00:02:58,320 ♪ We Know We will be strong ♪ 28 00:02:58,321 --> 00:03:00,955 ♪ We Know We will be strong ♪ 29 00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:05,927 ♪ Love Goes On And On 30 00:03:05,928 --> 00:03:09,599 ♪ And On 31 00:03:15,871 --> 00:03:18,907 So what brings you around? You're my older brother. 32 00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:21,943 There's something I want to discuss with you. You're in trouble. 33 00:03:21,944 --> 00:03:25,314 Why do you always think that I'm in trouble? What do you want to talk about? 34 00:03:25,315 --> 00:03:28,517 Oh... Life. 35 00:03:28,518 --> 00:03:30,719 It's a bowl of cherries, haven't you heard? 36 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,755 You want to talk about your cherries or mine? 37 00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:36,625 I ran into carol levinson today. Really? 38 00:03:36,626 --> 00:03:39,394 I thought she ran away to jamaica with that asshole what's-his-name. 39 00:03:39,395 --> 00:03:42,664 Lionel. he left her. She wasn't in very good shape. 40 00:03:42,665 --> 00:03:45,900 Michael, if you're about to apologize, forget it. 41 00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:49,371 I dated her in college. I don't care whether you took her to bed. 42 00:03:49,372 --> 00:03:52,741 You know something, tommy? Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do. 43 00:03:52,742 --> 00:03:55,877 What's wrong with me? Why can't I have a cup of coffee... 44 00:03:55,878 --> 00:03:58,580 With a woman without winding up in bed with her? 45 00:03:58,581 --> 00:04:01,516 You want a scientific explanation? 46 00:04:01,517 --> 00:04:04,018 You send out signals, like animal odors. 47 00:04:04,019 --> 00:04:07,021 Only yours say, "you are beautiful, you are wonderful, 48 00:04:07,022 --> 00:04:09,658 you are the only woman on earth for me." 49 00:04:09,659 --> 00:04:12,494 I have to stop. Well, I'm sorry, junior. 50 00:04:12,495 --> 00:04:15,864 Science has not developed a cure. They're not even working on it. 51 00:04:15,865 --> 00:04:18,600 I don't want to be that kind of person. 52 00:04:18,601 --> 00:04:20,935 Think of it as a birth defect. 53 00:04:20,936 --> 00:04:26,508 Mom had two kids. one scientist and one a nymphomaniac. That's not funny, tommy. 54 00:04:26,509 --> 00:04:30,445 You think I like spending half my life in other people's showers? I don't. 55 00:04:30,446 --> 00:04:35,684 I don't like using strange soap and strange shampoo and running out afterwards with wet hair. 56 00:04:35,685 --> 00:04:41,456 I don't like making excuses and hurting people, and I don't like feeling guilty. 57 00:04:41,457 --> 00:04:45,660 You know something else? On top of that, the sex isn't even that good. 58 00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:47,796 Ah, the paradox unfolds. 59 00:04:47,797 --> 00:04:51,065 The sex is not that good but you always go back for more. 60 00:04:51,066 --> 00:04:54,603 Why, one may ask? Well, I'll tell you. 61 00:04:54,604 --> 00:04:56,838 It's something every animal knows deep inside. 62 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,774 What's that? Even bad sex is good. 63 00:04:59,775 --> 00:05:02,076 I'm gonna stop, tommy. How? 64 00:05:02,077 --> 00:05:04,779 I don't know, but I have to. Why? 65 00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:08,850 Are you coming to the family picnic sunday? It's at my house, asshole. 66 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,721 Ah, well, I'll tell you then. 67 00:05:13,088 --> 00:05:15,725 [ Children shouting playfully ] 68 00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:23,998 [ Woman ] All right. It was a good shot. 69 00:05:23,999 --> 00:05:26,435 That's the way, sarah. Keep your eye on the ball. 70 00:05:26,436 --> 00:05:29,371 Good girl. All right. 71 00:05:32,107 --> 00:05:34,776 Nice shot. 72 00:05:34,777 --> 00:05:37,712 Come on, donna. Come on. hustle. 73 00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:41,850 Come on in, girls. You okay, donna? Come on. 74 00:05:41,851 --> 00:05:44,419 Listen to me very carefully. 75 00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:48,657 The name of the game is field hockey, not homicide. 76 00:05:48,658 --> 00:05:51,460 There's no need to kill the ball. 77 00:05:51,461 --> 00:05:54,729 All you have to do is meet it gently. The stick will do the rest. 78 00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:57,766 And when you're heading for the net, remember one thing. 79 00:05:57,767 --> 00:06:01,503 We're gonna win if we play out of here, not down there. 80 00:06:01,504 --> 00:06:03,506 Okay, that's it, girls. Good practice. 81 00:06:28,898 --> 00:06:31,534 Hi, baby. 82 00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:36,571 Hey, I was watching you practice. 83 00:06:36,572 --> 00:06:41,710 Oo, you must have been a hell of a player in your day, huh? 84 00:06:41,711 --> 00:06:45,847 Hey, you know, as I was watching you defend that goal, 85 00:06:45,848 --> 00:06:49,684 one question kept popping into my mind. 86 00:06:49,685 --> 00:06:52,086 Yeah? what was that? 87 00:06:52,087 --> 00:06:56,925 I was wondering if you were half as good in the sack as you were at that net. 88 00:06:56,926 --> 00:07:00,595 I happen to be considerably better. 89 00:07:00,596 --> 00:07:05,700 Well, is there anyway I can check this out, maybe firsthand? 90 00:07:05,701 --> 00:07:09,070 Yeah. You'd have to catch me. 91 00:07:09,071 --> 00:07:10,972 [ Michael laughing ] 92 00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:13,241 I ran the 440 in college. 93 00:07:13,242 --> 00:07:16,511 I bet you were real fast in your day. 94 00:07:16,512 --> 00:07:19,781 Well, my day isn't over, if you care to try. 95 00:07:19,782 --> 00:07:22,817 I hate to humiliate grown men. 96 00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,919 I'll make it easy for ya. 97 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,123 I'll give you a five-second head start, on one condition. 98 00:07:29,124 --> 00:07:31,726 Yeah? What's that? 99 00:07:31,727 --> 00:07:34,262 If I catch you, I take you. 100 00:07:34,263 --> 00:07:36,866 [ Michael ] On the spot. 101 00:07:41,604 --> 00:07:44,205 Start counting. 102 00:07:44,206 --> 00:07:47,877 One, two... I said I was fast, not honest. 103 00:08:45,701 --> 00:08:47,737 Oh. 104 00:08:49,872 --> 00:08:52,073 No, not here! Oh yes, right here. 105 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,644 You can't! 106 00:08:55,678 --> 00:08:58,179 You always cheat. 107 00:08:58,180 --> 00:09:02,216 And I always will. As long as I get you in the end. 108 00:09:02,217 --> 00:09:05,020 [ Laughing ] 109 00:09:08,290 --> 00:09:12,293 [ Shower running ] 110 00:09:12,294 --> 00:09:14,863 [ Michael ] Katherine? [ Katherine ] Huh? 111 00:09:14,864 --> 00:09:19,367 I want to ask you something. I can't hear you. 112 00:09:19,368 --> 00:09:21,936 Well, I guess it doesn't matter anyway. 113 00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:24,238 I wanted to know if you'd marry me. 114 00:09:24,239 --> 00:09:26,742 [ Shower stops ] 115 00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:31,312 - you want to marry me? - Yeah. 116 00:09:31,313 --> 00:09:33,715 For better or worse, 117 00:09:33,716 --> 00:09:35,817 in sickness and in health? 118 00:09:35,818 --> 00:09:38,953 - Uh-huh. - 'til death do us part? 119 00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:43,191 Yeah, the whole shot. The works. what do ya say? 120 00:09:43,192 --> 00:09:45,127 Let me sleep on it. 121 00:09:49,865 --> 00:09:53,401 I just think it's time, that's all. What do you mean, time? 122 00:09:53,402 --> 00:09:57,138 It's time. it's time to settle down. 123 00:09:57,139 --> 00:10:00,074 To make a pact against the world, 124 00:10:00,075 --> 00:10:04,378 to defend ourselves against the ravages of old age and loneliness. 125 00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:06,881 You don't make it sound very appetizing. 126 00:10:06,882 --> 00:10:10,119 I didn't say it was appetizing. I said it was time. 127 00:10:13,188 --> 00:10:15,890 How do you know it's the right time? Instinct. 128 00:10:15,891 --> 00:10:18,159 Like going south for the winter? 129 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,995 All right, if you don't want to marry me, just say so. 130 00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,764 I think we should live together longer. 131 00:10:22,765 --> 00:10:25,233 Longer. 132 00:10:25,234 --> 00:10:28,036 We've been living together for years. Years? 133 00:10:28,037 --> 00:10:30,739 We've been living together for ten months. 134 00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:33,008 Well, it seems like years. 135 00:10:34,409 --> 00:10:36,277 Ow! [ Laughing ] 136 00:10:36,278 --> 00:10:38,780 Ow! ooh! 137 00:10:38,781 --> 00:10:41,750 Look, I'm through fooling around. No more Mr. Nice guy. 138 00:10:41,751 --> 00:10:43,852 I want an answer and I want it now. Is that a threat? 139 00:10:43,853 --> 00:10:46,220 No, it's a proposal. Oh. 140 00:10:46,221 --> 00:10:47,588 I would like to know before the picnic tomorrow. 141 00:10:47,589 --> 00:10:50,291 Why? you gonna make an announcement in front of the whole family? 142 00:10:50,292 --> 00:10:53,862 I thought I'd pass a note around. What do you think? Cute. 143 00:10:53,863 --> 00:10:58,066 I think you're rushing me. I am not! You have 16 hours left. 144 00:10:58,067 --> 00:11:01,903 What's the matter? Aren't you ready to settle down? Yeah, I'm ready. 145 00:11:01,904 --> 00:11:04,806 I just wonder if you are. What is that supposed to mean? 146 00:11:04,807 --> 00:11:07,308 Look around, michael. The world is full of women. 147 00:11:07,309 --> 00:11:09,978 How do you know you won't find somebody better than me? 148 00:11:09,979 --> 00:11:14,416 Somebody with more style, more intelligence, more sex appeal. 149 00:11:17,019 --> 00:11:19,320 Where you going? You convinced me. I wanna keep looking. 150 00:11:19,321 --> 00:11:22,390 Michael, you can look for the rest of your life, 151 00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:25,326 but you'll never find anybody better for you than me. 152 00:11:25,327 --> 00:11:29,297 I know that! That's why I want you to be my wife. 153 00:11:29,298 --> 00:11:32,100 So why didn't you say that in the first place? 154 00:11:32,101 --> 00:11:34,103 Why don't you just say yes? 155 00:11:38,908 --> 00:11:42,344 Yes. All right, all right. I'll marry you. 156 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:51,219 [ Laughing ] Is that what this was all about? Yes. 157 00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:53,955 Why didn't you tell me then? I thought you'd tell me that I was crazy. 158 00:11:53,956 --> 00:11:56,224 I wouldn't have said that. No. No? 159 00:11:56,225 --> 00:11:58,426 I would've used a clinical term, like temporary insanity. 160 00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:02,230 Thanks a lot. Michael, 161 00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:05,900 there is such a thing as the fine print in a marriage contract about fidelity. 162 00:12:05,901 --> 00:12:08,136 You don't have much faith in love, do you, tommy? 163 00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:11,572 I have faith in love. It's your mating habits where I'm a little weak. 164 00:12:11,573 --> 00:12:14,375 As far as my mating habits are concerned, from now on, 165 00:12:14,376 --> 00:12:16,277 they will be restricted to one woman. 166 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:18,847 [ Laughing ] Yeah? Yeah. 167 00:12:18,848 --> 00:12:20,581 How do you plan to bring about this little miracle? 168 00:12:20,582 --> 00:12:23,517 Are you going to tie a knot in it? Will power. 169 00:12:23,518 --> 00:12:26,254 Will power. Will power. 170 00:12:26,255 --> 00:12:28,356 Is that the same "will power" you used to stop smoking? 171 00:12:28,357 --> 00:12:30,992 That's different. I enjoy smoking. 172 00:12:30,993 --> 00:12:33,494 Why do you always talk about giving it up? It's bad for my health. 173 00:12:33,495 --> 00:12:37,465 So is adultery, if you get caught. 174 00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:40,101 Katherine is a nice girl. You don't want to hurt her, do you? 175 00:12:40,102 --> 00:12:42,370 No, and I'm not going to. 176 00:12:42,371 --> 00:12:45,306 The minute the ring goes on my finger, I'll never touch another woman. 177 00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,942 You think so? I know so. 178 00:12:47,943 --> 00:12:52,847 Well, as long as you're committed to this, I might as well take advantage of it. 179 00:12:52,848 --> 00:12:56,217 Here's 82 dollars that says you can't do it. 180 00:12:56,218 --> 00:13:01,455 That's a lousy bet. Well, think of it as an incentive. 181 00:13:01,456 --> 00:13:04,425 Sooner or later the temptation is going to become tremendous. 182 00:13:04,426 --> 00:13:07,561 I don't know how far love can take you, but I know you would do anything... 183 00:13:07,562 --> 00:13:11,533 Rather than lose a bet to me. You're right. 184 00:13:14,904 --> 00:13:17,471 [ Woman ] We are nearing the end of the 20th century. 185 00:13:17,472 --> 00:13:20,308 The war between the sexes is over. 186 00:13:20,309 --> 00:13:23,644 [ Michael ] You want to take it from the top? 187 00:13:23,645 --> 00:13:26,347 We are nearing the end of the 20th century. 188 00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,616 The war between the sexes is over. 189 00:13:28,617 --> 00:13:32,220 A truce has been called and an armistice signed. 190 00:13:32,221 --> 00:13:35,556 Equality has been won for women. 191 00:13:35,557 --> 00:13:39,228 Right? You wanna try it again, nancy? 192 00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:45,400 [ Nancy sobbing ] 193 00:13:47,469 --> 00:13:49,437 Nancy. 194 00:13:49,438 --> 00:13:52,640 Look, we're in no great hurry here. 195 00:13:52,641 --> 00:13:55,476 We have a very rich sponsor. 196 00:13:55,477 --> 00:14:00,281 And as we all know, great art is not created overnight. 197 00:14:00,282 --> 00:14:03,484 But I'm just not cut out for this. 198 00:14:03,485 --> 00:14:06,654 I've used up all my savings, I've gone through unemployment... 199 00:14:06,655 --> 00:14:12,460 And now I don't even have bus fare back to bangor. 200 00:14:12,461 --> 00:14:16,464 I know auditioning is tough, but you'll get the hang of it after a few times. 201 00:14:16,465 --> 00:14:22,270 This is my 234th time. [ Sobbing continues ] 202 00:14:22,271 --> 00:14:25,306 Well, I can tell you right now what your problem is. 203 00:14:25,307 --> 00:14:29,243 What? You have to stop taking "no" for an answer. 204 00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,579 [ Girls chattering ] 205 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,248 How was your day? Well, it was long. 206 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,350 It took me all day to convince these taber tool people to use this girl I wanted. 207 00:14:36,351 --> 00:14:40,254 Another hardship case? Okay, let me guess. She was an orphan. No. 208 00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:43,324 Her parents were orphans, and... 209 00:14:43,325 --> 00:14:46,460 it was just a little inexperience, that's all. Well, michael, 210 00:14:46,461 --> 00:14:49,397 if you insist on being the good samaritan of madison avenue, 211 00:14:49,398 --> 00:14:52,233 you're going to have to learn to take your punishment with a grain of salt. 212 00:14:52,234 --> 00:14:55,003 I took four aspirin instead. How was your day? 213 00:14:55,004 --> 00:14:58,139 I told the kids we were getting married. Oh, yeah? 214 00:14:58,140 --> 00:15:01,109 How'd they take it? They wept openly. [ Chuckles ] 215 00:15:01,110 --> 00:15:04,645 Speaking of tears, have you broken the news to wally yet? 216 00:15:04,646 --> 00:15:07,982 We're seeing walter tonight after the concert. Oh, what fun. 217 00:15:07,983 --> 00:15:10,118 He's bringing his new girlfriend. Yeah, you know, 218 00:15:10,119 --> 00:15:12,653 I got a hunch he's going to take it worse than your class. 219 00:15:12,654 --> 00:15:16,490 That's unfair. Walter likes you very much. Are you serious? 220 00:15:16,491 --> 00:15:19,527 He likes you more than he used to. He'd like me better dead. 221 00:15:19,528 --> 00:15:22,631 Don't be silly. Incapacitated, maybe, but not dead. 222 00:15:29,771 --> 00:15:33,407 $2.40. I still don't understand what's wrong with the one we have. 223 00:15:33,408 --> 00:15:35,676 We're even. Nothing. 224 00:15:35,677 --> 00:15:39,347 I just think every marriage should start out with a fresh bed. 225 00:15:39,348 --> 00:15:43,518 I gotta call the office. Let me meet you upstairs. Okay, great. 226 00:15:46,455 --> 00:15:50,091 How was your day? It was the easiest first day I've ever had. 227 00:15:50,092 --> 00:15:52,227 No problems, huh? No, and everybody was so nice. 228 00:15:54,796 --> 00:15:57,565 I'll take her. Let me. I can use the experience. 229 00:15:57,566 --> 00:16:00,368 All right. See you tomorrow. Bye. 230 00:16:00,369 --> 00:16:03,204 Hi. Hi. 231 00:16:03,205 --> 00:16:05,473 It's a wonderful bed you're looking at. Yeah. 232 00:16:05,474 --> 00:16:08,276 It looks great. 233 00:16:08,277 --> 00:16:10,544 Extremely comfortable. 234 00:16:10,545 --> 00:16:13,581 Why don't you try it. Thank you. 235 00:16:13,582 --> 00:16:16,417 Oh, I like it. I like it. 236 00:16:16,418 --> 00:16:19,753 You can lie down. Thank you. 237 00:16:19,754 --> 00:16:22,656 Oh, yes, this is very comfortable. 238 00:16:22,657 --> 00:16:25,826 I could fall asleep. It's the most comfortable bed we have here. 239 00:16:25,827 --> 00:16:28,496 Oo, it looks comfortable. Oh, it is comfortable. 240 00:16:28,497 --> 00:16:31,232 It's the most comfortable bed we have here. Really? 241 00:16:31,233 --> 00:16:34,202 - Miss, do you mind if I try? - No. 242 00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:36,037 Not at all. Okay. Whoo-hoo. 243 00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:39,040 Scoot over. 244 00:16:40,775 --> 00:16:44,645 - Oh, it's nice. - Uh, excuse me. Excuse me. 245 00:16:44,646 --> 00:16:47,715 I can't really get the feel unless the covers are up, you know what I mean? 246 00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:50,684 - Excuse me. - Ah, ah, don't worry. 247 00:16:50,685 --> 00:16:52,754 I'll take my shoes off. [ Chuckles ] 248 00:16:55,457 --> 00:16:57,626 There. 249 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:02,263 Ahhh, yeah. 250 00:17:02,264 --> 00:17:04,798 Well, as long as we're in bed together, my name is michael. 251 00:17:04,799 --> 00:17:07,335 Hi, michael. Katherine. 252 00:17:07,336 --> 00:17:11,405 Katherine. Nice name. Oh, thanks. 253 00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:13,641 You know, it's kind of bright in here, isn't it? 254 00:17:13,642 --> 00:17:16,277 Uh, no, not at all. 255 00:17:16,278 --> 00:17:19,213 Yeah, it's hard to get an idea what it would be like at night. 256 00:17:19,214 --> 00:17:21,782 In the dark. I got an idea. 257 00:17:21,783 --> 00:17:24,285 What? [ Laughing ] 258 00:17:24,286 --> 00:17:28,556 - oh, god. - hey, did you ever do it in a store? 259 00:17:28,557 --> 00:17:30,957 Uh, excuse me. You can't do that here. [ Katherine giggling ] 260 00:17:32,261 --> 00:17:34,463 [ Drum rolling ] 261 00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:39,601 ♪ [ Classical ] 262 00:18:17,339 --> 00:18:19,374 ♪ [ Ends ] 263 00:18:24,613 --> 00:18:27,181 You look so handsome. You look beautiful. 264 00:18:27,182 --> 00:18:29,617 Katherine was at juilliard when I was teaching there. 265 00:18:29,618 --> 00:18:32,686 Oh, do you play? Well, they didn't think so at juilliard. 266 00:18:32,687 --> 00:18:35,556 Don't listen to her. She's a very fine pianist. 267 00:18:35,557 --> 00:18:38,926 - What made you give it up? - I didn't. I still play for fun. 268 00:18:38,927 --> 00:18:42,796 I just didn't want to make a career out of it. I always wanted to teach school. 269 00:18:42,797 --> 00:18:44,732 I got your message. What's the big news? 270 00:18:44,733 --> 00:18:48,369 Tell him. Well, uh... 271 00:18:48,370 --> 00:18:51,672 Katherine and I have been together a long time now, and... 272 00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,641 You know how I feel about katherine. 273 00:18:53,642 --> 00:18:57,445 And, uh, she feels the same way about me. so, uh... 274 00:18:57,446 --> 00:19:00,648 well, uh... he's making an honest woman of me. 275 00:19:00,649 --> 00:19:02,850 Well, congratulations. 276 00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,985 This calls for a celebration. [ Michael ] Absolutely. 277 00:19:04,986 --> 00:19:07,821 Uh, waiter. We would like a bottle of... 278 00:19:07,822 --> 00:19:10,624 champagne. 279 00:19:10,625 --> 00:19:12,926 Your very best champagne. 280 00:19:12,927 --> 00:19:16,598 Excuse me. I'm out of cigarettes. 281 00:19:20,635 --> 00:19:23,238 Uh, excuse me. I think I'll go powder my nose. 282 00:19:26,641 --> 00:19:29,210 All right, walter, the truth. 283 00:19:32,481 --> 00:19:34,882 - I'm very happy for you. - You don't approve, do you? 284 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:39,753 Approve? I think that's your father's territory. 285 00:19:39,754 --> 00:19:43,357 Walter, I really wanna know what you think. It's very important to me. 286 00:19:43,358 --> 00:19:46,660 I think... 287 00:19:46,661 --> 00:19:50,631 Marriage is a very difficult proposition these days. 288 00:19:50,632 --> 00:19:54,702 There seems to be a shortage of what my mother used to call "marriage material." 289 00:19:54,703 --> 00:19:58,439 You don't think I qualify? It's michael I'm worried about. 290 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,309 Sneaking one? 291 00:20:01,310 --> 00:20:05,614 No, I was out. Do you mind? 292 00:20:07,482 --> 00:20:11,919 I didn't think people who played wind instruments smoked. 293 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,787 They don't. 294 00:20:13,788 --> 00:20:15,989 I have two a day. 295 00:20:15,990 --> 00:20:19,560 One after a concert and one after sex. 296 00:20:19,561 --> 00:20:22,796 Ah. What about you? 297 00:20:22,797 --> 00:20:25,866 Me, I uh... Smoke constantly. 298 00:20:25,867 --> 00:20:29,002 I try to quit once a month, but I can't seem to put 'em down. 299 00:20:29,003 --> 00:20:34,041 Well, the body rebels when you try to deny its basic needs. 300 00:20:34,042 --> 00:20:36,277 Never thought of it that way. 301 00:20:37,746 --> 00:20:40,648 You must admit there's something very... 302 00:20:40,649 --> 00:20:43,484 Erotic about smoking. 303 00:20:43,485 --> 00:20:47,020 The way a cigarette feels between your fingers, 304 00:20:47,021 --> 00:20:50,324 the way it touches your lips. 305 00:20:50,325 --> 00:20:53,728 I even dream about them occasionally. Yeah, me too. 306 00:20:56,064 --> 00:20:59,800 Sometimes, in the middle of the day, 307 00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:04,037 I'll get the most uncontrollable urge. 308 00:21:04,038 --> 00:21:08,809 I'll go into my room and turn out all the lights and smoke a pack. 309 00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,812 Thought you only smoked two a day. 310 00:21:13,348 --> 00:21:15,617 I cheat. 311 00:21:24,626 --> 00:21:26,928 It won't bite. 312 00:21:33,702 --> 00:21:36,870 How does it feel? Strange. 313 00:21:36,871 --> 00:21:39,940 The fit. Oh. 314 00:21:39,941 --> 00:21:42,943 Well, it's too tight. 315 00:21:42,944 --> 00:21:46,013 Doesn't look too tight. Well, it is. 316 00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:48,782 It makes me feel claustrophobic. 317 00:21:48,783 --> 00:21:51,519 Sir, you've tried on every size we make. 318 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,788 Perhaps you should let your psychiatrist fit you. 319 00:21:54,789 --> 00:21:57,926 Just give him an extra large. He has to be able to get it off fast. 320 00:22:01,463 --> 00:22:03,731 Hello there. 321 00:22:03,732 --> 00:22:06,066 I've been waiting for you. 322 00:22:06,067 --> 00:22:09,537 I want to talk to you about your bed. 323 00:22:09,538 --> 00:22:14,442 [ Giggles ] For years people have been buying mattresses to sleep on. 324 00:22:14,443 --> 00:22:17,645 But let's face it, we do a lot more in bed than sleep. 325 00:22:17,646 --> 00:22:21,582 "Downon" was developed with just that in mind. 326 00:22:21,583 --> 00:22:26,454 Made from a special blend of soft canadian goose down... 327 00:22:26,455 --> 00:22:31,425 And fortified with strong american nylon. 328 00:22:31,426 --> 00:22:35,763 So if you want to get more fun out of bed, 329 00:22:35,764 --> 00:22:38,432 get downon. 330 00:22:38,433 --> 00:22:42,002 For people who do more than sleep at night. [ Giggles softly ] 331 00:22:42,003 --> 00:22:45,674 Cut it. okay, everybody, that's a wrap. 332 00:22:51,746 --> 00:22:55,716 [ Downon girl ] You all right, michael? Yeah, sure. why? 333 00:22:55,717 --> 00:22:59,753 You seem very tense today. Yeah. 334 00:22:59,754 --> 00:23:02,623 You're full of tension. Are you worried about something? 335 00:23:02,624 --> 00:23:06,494 As a matter of fact, yeah. I thought so. 336 00:23:06,495 --> 00:23:08,862 Okay, lay down on your stomach. 337 00:23:08,863 --> 00:23:12,933 Why? I can see the tension in your back from 50 feet away. 338 00:23:12,934 --> 00:23:15,669 Come on. Down on the floor. 339 00:23:15,670 --> 00:23:18,707 Down, down, down. 340 00:23:21,776 --> 00:23:24,878 Oh, yes. [ Moans ] 341 00:23:24,879 --> 00:23:27,781 Fibers like steel. 342 00:23:27,782 --> 00:23:30,183 Very, very tense. 343 00:23:30,184 --> 00:23:32,920 All right, relax. 344 00:23:32,921 --> 00:23:35,690 Close your eyes. 345 00:23:36,925 --> 00:23:41,128 - Oh, boy. - What's the matter? 346 00:23:41,129 --> 00:23:45,999 I found a big hard one right here in the middle. 347 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,937 Do you feel that? I think so. 348 00:23:50,872 --> 00:23:53,674 Well, don't you worry. 349 00:23:53,675 --> 00:23:56,243 We're gonna get it softer... 350 00:23:56,244 --> 00:23:58,846 And smaller. 351 00:23:58,847 --> 00:24:01,815 Softer and smaller. 352 00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:05,720 Softer and smaller. 353 00:24:08,990 --> 00:24:10,925 Dad, what time is it? 354 00:24:20,769 --> 00:24:22,771 I'm sorry. 355 00:24:26,575 --> 00:24:28,976 All right, katherine. You and your father can start now. 356 00:24:28,977 --> 00:24:32,180 Sorry, I'm late. I got held up at the office. 357 00:24:34,883 --> 00:24:37,851 I'm sorry. 358 00:24:37,852 --> 00:24:41,121 Glad you could make it. I got tied up at work. 359 00:24:41,122 --> 00:24:44,558 I'll bet you did. Why is it you always think the worst of me? 360 00:24:44,559 --> 00:24:46,594 Science is the art of observation. 361 00:24:46,595 --> 00:24:49,030 You've got lip gloss on your ears. 362 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:56,604 All right, everybody. Take one. here comes the bride. 363 00:24:56,605 --> 00:25:00,841 Nothing happened before the rehearsal. Don't get so defensive. 364 00:25:00,842 --> 00:25:04,745 Fidelity takes time. You've got six days to practice. 365 00:25:04,746 --> 00:25:08,982 I'm under a lot of pressure, but I'm gonna go through with this, so don't try to change my mind. 366 00:25:08,983 --> 00:25:12,853 I wouldn't dream of it. I love katherine. She loves me. 367 00:25:12,854 --> 00:25:17,157 We belong together. Love is apples. Marriage is oranges. 368 00:25:17,158 --> 00:25:19,292 Not everybody can stomach fruit cocktail. 369 00:25:19,293 --> 00:25:22,863 Well, I plan to learn. [ Laughing ] How? 370 00:25:22,864 --> 00:25:25,899 Do you have a plan? Do you have a strategy? Do you have anything? 371 00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:30,337 Do you plan to push through life like a bull in a china shop and hope you don't break anything? 372 00:25:30,338 --> 00:25:32,372 Maybe I should see a doctor. What for? 373 00:25:32,373 --> 00:25:34,908 I mean a psychiatrist. 374 00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:39,146 What do you need a shrink for? You've got me. You haven't been a lot of help. 375 00:25:39,147 --> 00:25:41,882 I've given this matter a great deal of thought in the last few days. 376 00:25:41,883 --> 00:25:44,952 I've come up with a very interesting approach. 377 00:25:44,953 --> 00:25:47,955 Well, tell me! I'll try anything. Good. 378 00:25:47,956 --> 00:25:51,759 The first thing I want you to do is get a notebook. What for? 379 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:56,196 Every time you see a woman that particularly appeals to you, put her down in the book. 380 00:25:56,197 --> 00:26:01,101 What do I put down? Everything. her name, vital statistics, personality traits. 381 00:26:01,102 --> 00:26:03,871 Everything that appeals to you about her. Draw a picture, I don't care. 382 00:26:03,872 --> 00:26:06,206 The point is to make an experiment out of it. Why? 383 00:26:06,207 --> 00:26:09,409 Because, numb-nuts, by subjecting your appetite to scientific scrutiny, 384 00:26:09,410 --> 00:26:11,211 you get to analyze it. 385 00:26:11,212 --> 00:26:15,783 And by analyzing it, you remove all the eroticism. You reduce lust to a set of statistics. 386 00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:18,786 It's like smokenders. Precisely. 387 00:26:18,787 --> 00:26:21,021 That's a brilliant idea. 388 00:26:21,022 --> 00:26:23,991 I'm not the brains in this family for no reason. 389 00:26:23,992 --> 00:26:27,961 [ Woman ] I like that. [ Katherine ] Why? 390 00:26:27,962 --> 00:26:31,332 Well, it has lovely lines. 391 00:26:33,735 --> 00:26:35,936 It doesn't look right on me. 392 00:26:35,937 --> 00:26:38,707 Try it without cleats. 393 00:26:40,942 --> 00:26:42,976 I hate it. What do you hate? 394 00:26:42,977 --> 00:26:45,946 The whole thing. You get in front of a church full of people... 395 00:26:45,947 --> 00:26:48,215 Looking like snow white, when everybody knows... 396 00:26:48,216 --> 00:26:52,853 That the chances of the marriage lasting more than eight years are one in ten. 397 00:26:52,854 --> 00:26:56,356 I never knew you to have such a head for statistics. 398 00:26:56,357 --> 00:26:58,926 Look, I'd just like to have a trial run. 399 00:26:58,927 --> 00:27:01,361 I thought that's what you've been having. 400 00:27:01,362 --> 00:27:03,864 Well, I'd like a longer one. 401 00:27:03,865 --> 00:27:08,301 Just what exactly is worrying you? 402 00:27:08,302 --> 00:27:12,405 How do you live with someone for the rest of your life and keep it exciting? 403 00:27:12,406 --> 00:27:16,143 [ Laughing ] I see. What do you see? 404 00:27:16,144 --> 00:27:21,014 We're not exactly talking about the high standard of housekeeping, are we? 405 00:27:21,015 --> 00:27:24,117 We're really talking about the choo-choo in the tunnel, aren't we? 406 00:27:24,118 --> 00:27:26,887 Oh, mother, that's an awful expression. 407 00:27:26,888 --> 00:27:29,356 - but that's what you're worried about, isn't it? - no. 408 00:27:29,357 --> 00:27:32,793 It's not just that. 409 00:27:32,794 --> 00:27:35,996 I'm just afraid that after we're married, everything will be different. 410 00:27:35,997 --> 00:27:39,432 Oh, a needless worry. It will be. 411 00:27:39,433 --> 00:27:41,769 See. Well, what do you expect? 412 00:27:41,770 --> 00:27:45,272 It's inevitable, like growing old. 413 00:27:45,273 --> 00:27:50,177 The summer of youthful romance gives way to the winter of... Married life. 414 00:27:50,178 --> 00:27:53,446 You make it sound like death. 415 00:27:53,447 --> 00:27:57,718 It is, in a way. Oh, don't worry, dear. It's a happy death. 416 00:28:01,389 --> 00:28:03,957 Pull your skirt down. 417 00:28:03,958 --> 00:28:07,427 [ Bells ringing ] [ Tommy ] Oliver, it stinks. 418 00:28:07,428 --> 00:28:11,298 The whole idea stinks. Are you seriously going to market this? 419 00:28:11,299 --> 00:28:14,167 [ Oliver ] We can market anything. 420 00:28:14,168 --> 00:28:17,438 Oh, photographs. Everybody, let's get together for the picture. 421 00:28:18,506 --> 00:28:21,843 [ Indistinct chattering ] 422 00:28:25,914 --> 00:28:29,382 [ Cheering, laughing ] 423 00:28:29,383 --> 00:28:32,120 Too much. too much. Follow me. 424 00:28:35,223 --> 00:28:38,391 [ Cheering continues ] 425 00:28:38,392 --> 00:28:42,029 See you at the reception. 426 00:28:42,030 --> 00:28:44,833 Okay, bye. Bye. 427 00:28:47,001 --> 00:28:49,838 [ Horn honking ] 428 00:28:59,413 --> 00:29:02,382 Michael? Hmm? 429 00:29:02,383 --> 00:29:05,352 Do you really think we're gonna make it? 430 00:29:05,353 --> 00:29:08,489 I think it's customary on the wedding night. 431 00:29:09,858 --> 00:29:12,493 I don't mean that. I know. 432 00:29:14,228 --> 00:29:16,330 Well, are we? 433 00:29:19,367 --> 00:29:21,502 We'd better. 434 00:29:25,874 --> 00:29:27,876 Why? 435 00:29:30,478 --> 00:29:33,347 I got money on it. Oh. 436 00:31:16,550 --> 00:31:18,651 Sandy. Michael. 437 00:31:18,652 --> 00:31:22,089 Hi. How are you? 438 00:31:22,090 --> 00:31:26,059 I'm fine. How are you? Okay. Okay. You look good. 439 00:31:26,060 --> 00:31:29,229 Thanks. You too. Thanks. 440 00:31:29,230 --> 00:31:32,065 I heard you got married. Yeah. about six weeks ago. 441 00:31:32,066 --> 00:31:34,201 I was so shocked. Why? 442 00:31:34,202 --> 00:31:36,669 Whatever made you decide to do it? 443 00:31:36,670 --> 00:31:40,340 Well, you know. It was just time, that's all. 444 00:31:40,341 --> 00:31:45,112 Are you telling me if I'd hung in there a few more years, I'd be the new Mrs. Donovan? 445 00:31:45,113 --> 00:31:48,015 The fact of the matter is I just happened to find the perfect wife. 446 00:31:48,016 --> 00:31:51,118 Yeah? she let's you fool around a little, huh? 447 00:31:51,119 --> 00:31:54,355 Oh, no, no, no. I, uh... I don't do that anymore. That was the old me. 448 00:31:56,724 --> 00:31:59,360 Let's have lunch sometime, for old time's sake. 449 00:32:00,728 --> 00:32:03,563 Sure. 450 00:32:03,564 --> 00:32:07,134 I'm in the book, under the same old name. 451 00:32:07,135 --> 00:32:09,003 Okay. 452 00:32:25,119 --> 00:32:27,787 Hi. How was your day? Hi. 453 00:32:27,788 --> 00:32:31,024 Not so good. How was yours? 454 00:32:31,025 --> 00:32:35,495 Well, it would have been a lot better if I could figure out a way to get the girls to nap. 455 00:32:35,496 --> 00:32:39,432 That shouldn't be too hard. No, well, it isn't. 456 00:32:39,433 --> 00:32:42,069 I could always use chloroform. 457 00:32:42,070 --> 00:32:44,771 Why don't you read to them? It doesn't work anymore. 458 00:32:44,772 --> 00:32:48,708 I don't know. it's the electronic age. If it's not on tv, it doesn't exist. 459 00:32:48,709 --> 00:32:52,212 Linguine? Yeah. 460 00:32:52,213 --> 00:32:55,015 I'll go change my shirt. 461 00:33:10,431 --> 00:33:13,401 [ Whirring ] 462 00:33:23,744 --> 00:33:26,546 Dinner in five. You hungry? 463 00:33:26,547 --> 00:33:29,082 Not really. 464 00:33:29,083 --> 00:33:33,353 Have you been eating at the office? No, why? 465 00:33:33,354 --> 00:33:36,824 You seem to have lost your appetite the last few weeks. Have I? 466 00:33:39,093 --> 00:33:42,229 - this is the kind of thing that breaks up a marriage. - what? 467 00:33:42,230 --> 00:33:44,631 When the husband stops eating the wife's cooking. 468 00:33:44,632 --> 00:33:47,234 I love your cooking. 469 00:33:47,235 --> 00:33:50,370 It's not that. I... 470 00:33:50,371 --> 00:33:52,605 I don't know what it is. I just haven't felt so great lately. 471 00:33:52,606 --> 00:33:54,774 Yeah, you haven't been sleeping well, either. 472 00:33:54,775 --> 00:33:58,478 I hear you mumbling in the middle of the night. 473 00:33:58,479 --> 00:34:02,115 - What do I say? - I can't make it out most of the time. 474 00:34:02,116 --> 00:34:04,551 - Oh, but last night, I did hear something. - What was it? 475 00:34:04,552 --> 00:34:08,521 - "the bets are on the table." - oh. 476 00:34:08,522 --> 00:34:11,224 I bet tommy I could quit smoking. 477 00:34:11,225 --> 00:34:13,493 Oh. 478 00:34:13,494 --> 00:34:17,365 ♪ [ Chimes Playing "Mary had a little lamb" ] 479 00:34:22,803 --> 00:34:25,838 ♪ [ Chimes Continue ] 480 00:34:25,839 --> 00:34:28,642 [ Birds twittering ] 481 00:34:35,149 --> 00:34:38,551 How's the experiment going? Well, I'm getting writer's cramp. 482 00:34:38,552 --> 00:34:42,422 Yeah, but it's working, isn't it? Yeah, I guess. 483 00:34:42,423 --> 00:34:45,792 - so, what's the problem? - I feel like I'm not the same person anymore. 484 00:34:45,793 --> 00:34:48,861 "A new man," I believe, was your phrase. 485 00:34:48,862 --> 00:34:53,300 But I'm not the person katherine married. 486 00:34:53,301 --> 00:34:57,537 I'm wondering... Maybe I'm doing the marriage more harm than good. 487 00:34:57,538 --> 00:35:02,909 You mean if you don't start fooling around, you may wreck the marriage. 488 00:35:02,910 --> 00:35:08,448 I got to hand it to you, kid. That is the best rationalization I have ever heard in my life. 489 00:35:08,449 --> 00:35:10,484 Come on, tommy. 490 00:35:12,186 --> 00:35:15,622 What's the big deal about a little extra sex anyway? 491 00:35:15,623 --> 00:35:18,725 In the first place, there's no such thing as a little extra sex. 492 00:35:18,726 --> 00:35:21,495 That's like calling Alaska a little extra state. 493 00:35:23,331 --> 00:35:25,898 And in the second place, how do you think you'd feel... 494 00:35:25,899 --> 00:35:28,235 If katherine started fooling around? 495 00:35:28,236 --> 00:35:32,205 You wanna know something? I really don't think I'd care. 496 00:35:32,206 --> 00:35:35,375 Not as long as it was quick and meaningless. 497 00:35:35,376 --> 00:35:37,910 Quick and meaningless. Yeah. 498 00:35:37,911 --> 00:35:40,580 Like an hour or so every couple of months? Yeah, I guess. 499 00:35:40,581 --> 00:35:42,815 Would she be allowed to have an orgasm? 500 00:35:42,816 --> 00:35:46,619 That's part of sex. Yeah. 501 00:35:46,620 --> 00:35:49,889 And what if they came together, her and Mr. Quick and meaningless? 502 00:35:49,890 --> 00:35:52,492 That's part of sex, too, on a good day. 503 00:35:52,493 --> 00:35:54,761 Now let me get this straight. 504 00:35:54,762 --> 00:35:57,330 You honestly don't mind whether katherine has... 505 00:35:57,331 --> 00:36:01,501 Half a dozen good solid hours of sex each year... 506 00:36:01,502 --> 00:36:05,838 With men that she casually encounters? 507 00:36:05,839 --> 00:36:08,341 All of them potentially terminating... 508 00:36:08,342 --> 00:36:12,412 In simultaneous climax. 509 00:36:12,413 --> 00:36:16,516 You're very broad-minded, michael, not to mention completely full of shit. 510 00:36:16,517 --> 00:36:18,718 [ Seal barking ] 511 00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:21,422 [ Telephone ringing, typewriters typing ] 512 00:36:26,260 --> 00:36:29,329 Well, joyce said you wanted to see me. Yeah, oliver. 513 00:36:29,330 --> 00:36:31,631 I want you to put something together for me. A new account? 514 00:36:31,632 --> 00:36:34,934 No, this is something for my wife for her class at school. 515 00:36:34,935 --> 00:36:37,904 Now, I put down the general idea here. 516 00:36:37,905 --> 00:36:40,873 It doesn't have to be too elaborate, but if you have the time, I'd like to do it today. 517 00:36:40,874 --> 00:36:43,577 Well, uh, I'll get right on it. Great. 518 00:36:44,678 --> 00:36:47,415 Oliver. Yeah? 519 00:36:50,584 --> 00:36:53,854 Can I ask you a personal question? Sure. 520 00:36:56,657 --> 00:36:58,925 You've been married a long time, right? 521 00:36:58,926 --> 00:37:01,362 Fourteen years. [ Laughs ] 522 00:37:02,596 --> 00:37:05,932 You ever have a problem with other women? 523 00:37:05,933 --> 00:37:08,768 How could you... how could you tell? 524 00:37:08,769 --> 00:37:13,873 Well, I couldn't. But we do work around a lot of women. 525 00:37:13,874 --> 00:37:17,310 I know, and that's the least of it. 526 00:37:17,311 --> 00:37:19,679 You should be out on the streets. It's just a jungle out there. 527 00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,615 I don't know what's happened to women in the last few years. 528 00:37:22,616 --> 00:37:27,387 They come right up to ya, they say things. it's unbelievable. They're like men used to be. 529 00:37:27,388 --> 00:37:30,523 It's a whole new ball game. It really is. 530 00:37:30,524 --> 00:37:32,959 What do you do about it? 531 00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:35,595 You know, it's a matter of pride with me. 532 00:37:35,596 --> 00:37:39,366 If a woman I don't know tries to talk to me, I just look the other way. 533 00:37:39,367 --> 00:37:43,471 If there's one thing I refuse to be, it's a sex object. 534 00:37:58,586 --> 00:38:01,522 [ No audible dialogue ] 535 00:39:17,898 --> 00:39:20,568 [ Sighs ] 536 00:39:52,032 --> 00:39:54,568 Sneaking one? 537 00:40:01,909 --> 00:40:03,777 Philomena. 538 00:40:55,896 --> 00:40:59,699 This is the first time you've been with another woman since you got married, isn't it? 539 00:40:59,700 --> 00:41:01,668 Yeah. 540 00:41:01,669 --> 00:41:05,038 I noticed you had a rough time getting your ring off. 541 00:41:08,676 --> 00:41:11,043 Don't worry about it. 542 00:41:11,044 --> 00:41:13,647 You'll get the hang of it in no time. 543 00:41:14,214 --> 00:41:16,549 Hey. 544 00:41:16,550 --> 00:41:19,620 You forgot your cigarettes. 545 00:41:45,045 --> 00:41:48,981 Tell me the occasion and I'll give you the flower. 546 00:41:48,982 --> 00:41:52,920 How about the first time I cheated on my wife. 547 00:42:14,374 --> 00:42:16,910 Scissors. 548 00:42:19,379 --> 00:42:21,681 Hi, michael. Don't look. Don't look. 549 00:42:21,682 --> 00:42:23,950 All right. All right. I got a surprise for you. 550 00:42:23,951 --> 00:42:26,118 Great. I love surprises. 551 00:42:26,119 --> 00:42:28,956 Okay, you can look. 552 00:42:30,257 --> 00:42:33,626 Oh, terrific. A video cassette. 553 00:42:33,627 --> 00:42:36,395 Of what? 554 00:42:36,396 --> 00:42:39,632 I taped a fairy tale to put your little girls to sleep. 555 00:42:39,633 --> 00:42:43,002 Oh, thanks. 556 00:42:43,003 --> 00:42:46,839 You really had me worried there for a minute. 557 00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:51,178 Why? I thought it was flowers. 558 00:42:53,046 --> 00:42:57,083 Hello, girls. My name is Mr. Sandman, 559 00:42:57,084 --> 00:43:01,187 and I am here with a story to send you off... 560 00:43:01,188 --> 00:43:03,189 To dreamland. 561 00:43:03,190 --> 00:43:05,324 [ Woman ] How did he know that would work? 562 00:43:05,325 --> 00:43:07,794 [ Katherine ] He understands women. 563 00:43:07,795 --> 00:43:10,062 It must be wonderful to have a husband that thoughtful. 564 00:43:10,063 --> 00:43:15,735 The story is called the cat and the mouse in partnership. 565 00:43:15,736 --> 00:43:18,671 [ Katherine ] He's always doing such spontaneous, unexpected things. 566 00:43:18,672 --> 00:43:21,107 I never do anything like that for him. 567 00:43:21,108 --> 00:43:25,077 I wish for once I could really come up with something off the wall, 568 00:43:25,078 --> 00:43:27,279 something spectacular. 569 00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,917 Why don't you? I'm lousy at surprises. 570 00:43:30,918 --> 00:43:33,853 Whenever I want to surprise harry, I show up at his office. 571 00:43:33,854 --> 00:43:37,023 That's not much of a surprise. Naked? 572 00:43:37,024 --> 00:43:40,292 You're kidding? No, he goes crazy. 573 00:43:40,293 --> 00:43:44,296 You don't wear anything at all? A trench coat and a smile. 574 00:43:44,297 --> 00:43:47,100 [ People chattering ] 575 00:43:52,039 --> 00:43:54,206 That's great. But I want more bubbles. I want twice as many bubbles. 576 00:43:54,207 --> 00:43:56,442 More bubbles. I want bubbles everywhere. 577 00:43:56,443 --> 00:43:59,411 You got 'em. This is great. Glad you like it. 578 00:43:59,412 --> 00:44:01,948 It's the wife. Line one. Thanks. 579 00:44:01,949 --> 00:44:06,052 Everybody relax. take five. Nick's gonna reload the bubbles. Then we go. 580 00:44:06,053 --> 00:44:07,954 Hiya. [ Katherine ] You busy? 581 00:44:07,955 --> 00:44:09,956 No, things are very calm here. 582 00:44:09,957 --> 00:44:13,192 I just wanted you to know your story went over big. 583 00:44:13,193 --> 00:44:17,396 Ah, that's great. Would it be too much trouble to make another one by tomorrow? 584 00:44:17,397 --> 00:44:19,866 No problem. I got all the stuff right here. 585 00:44:19,867 --> 00:44:22,168 You got anything special in mind? Rapunzel? Sleeping beauty? 586 00:44:22,169 --> 00:44:25,004 Whatever you pick will be fine. 587 00:44:25,005 --> 00:44:27,506 Um, I'll be finished here around seven. 588 00:44:27,507 --> 00:44:30,276 I'll tape the story. I'll be home by eight. 589 00:44:30,277 --> 00:44:33,146 I love you. I love you too. 590 00:44:41,521 --> 00:44:44,791 [ Moans ] 591 00:44:44,792 --> 00:44:47,259 Thought everybody had left. 592 00:44:47,260 --> 00:44:50,763 I bet you did. You want me to lock it up, mike? 593 00:44:50,764 --> 00:44:54,500 No, I'll do it when I'm finished. 594 00:44:54,501 --> 00:44:57,269 Good night, howie. 595 00:44:57,270 --> 00:44:59,072 Nighty-night. 596 00:44:59,873 --> 00:45:01,842 [ Laughing ] 597 00:45:03,944 --> 00:45:06,947 [ Laughing continues ] 598 00:45:24,431 --> 00:45:29,268 Hello, girls. This is the sandman again with another story for you. 599 00:45:29,269 --> 00:45:32,271 Today's story is entitled... [ Blows ] 600 00:45:32,272 --> 00:45:35,441 The 12 dancing princesses. 601 00:45:35,442 --> 00:45:38,811 "There once was a king who had 12 daughters, 602 00:45:38,812 --> 00:45:40,981 "each one more beautiful than the other. 603 00:45:46,887 --> 00:45:49,421 "And at night, when they had gone to bed, 604 00:45:49,422 --> 00:45:52,259 "the king locked the door and bolted it. 605 00:45:57,831 --> 00:46:02,268 "In the evening, when bedtime came, he was conducted to the anteroom. 606 00:46:02,269 --> 00:46:05,271 "As he was about to go to bed, the eldest princess appeared... 607 00:46:05,272 --> 00:46:08,175 Bringing him a cup of wine." [ Clattering ] 608 00:46:09,309 --> 00:46:11,243 Hello? 609 00:46:11,244 --> 00:46:13,113 Hello? 610 00:46:21,922 --> 00:46:23,923 Hello? 611 00:46:23,924 --> 00:46:26,059 Hey, howie, that you? 612 00:46:28,862 --> 00:46:30,997 Hi. it's me. 613 00:46:30,998 --> 00:46:35,067 Me who? The taber tool girl. 614 00:46:35,068 --> 00:46:39,605 My god, nancy barwood! I didn't recognize you. 615 00:46:39,606 --> 00:46:43,642 Well, I'll take that as a compliment. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. 616 00:46:43,643 --> 00:46:47,179 Oh, uh... no, I always run around like this. [ Chuckles ] 617 00:46:47,180 --> 00:46:49,615 I called your office. They said you were here. 618 00:46:49,616 --> 00:46:52,518 I just wanted to thank you personally for everything you did. 619 00:46:52,519 --> 00:46:55,888 I didn't do anything. Oh, yes, you did. 620 00:46:55,889 --> 00:47:00,392 You're looking at the new drainaway girl. I'm guaranteed 12 spots a year. 621 00:47:00,393 --> 00:47:05,364 Nancy, that's great. Congratulations. Thanks. 622 00:47:05,365 --> 00:47:09,035 But it wouldn't have been possible without you. Ahh. 623 00:47:09,036 --> 00:47:13,340 That's not true. Oh, yes, it is. It changed my life. 624 00:47:25,318 --> 00:47:29,021 But thanks to you, I've got something I never had before. 625 00:47:29,022 --> 00:47:32,591 What's that? Tremendous, unstoppable self-confidence. 626 00:47:32,592 --> 00:47:37,296 I didn't have anything to do with that. Oh, yes, you did. 627 00:47:37,297 --> 00:47:40,466 You taught me the most important lesson of my life. 628 00:47:40,467 --> 00:47:43,370 What's that? Never take "no" For an answer. 629 00:48:59,646 --> 00:49:02,282 Michael! 630 00:49:05,485 --> 00:49:07,320 Katherine! 631 00:49:08,788 --> 00:49:11,391 It's not what you think. 632 00:49:14,494 --> 00:49:17,197 I didn't mean for anything to happen. 633 00:49:19,399 --> 00:49:21,401 I was just taping a story. 634 00:49:23,703 --> 00:49:26,572 I wasn't thinking! 635 00:49:26,573 --> 00:49:31,010 - [ Crying ] - let me explain. 636 00:49:33,446 --> 00:49:35,282 Please! 637 00:49:42,189 --> 00:49:44,156 This is very hot. Very hot. 638 00:49:44,157 --> 00:49:46,193 Thanks. 639 00:50:00,173 --> 00:50:03,475 You can stay here as long as you like. 640 00:50:03,476 --> 00:50:06,345 You can have my practice room. I don't use it at night. 641 00:50:06,346 --> 00:50:12,184 - won't philomena mind? - no. There's nothing serious between us. 642 00:50:12,185 --> 00:50:15,822 In fact, apart from music and sex, we thoroughly dislike each other. 643 00:50:19,526 --> 00:50:21,560 [ Crying ] 644 00:50:21,561 --> 00:50:24,730 Kathy? kathy. 645 00:50:24,731 --> 00:50:27,099 Kathy. 646 00:50:27,100 --> 00:50:29,868 [ Crying continues ] Go ahead. 647 00:50:29,869 --> 00:50:32,439 Just cry. 648 00:50:36,343 --> 00:50:39,312 [ Birds twittering ] 649 00:50:49,122 --> 00:50:51,290 Here. good for you. 650 00:50:51,291 --> 00:50:53,226 Thanks. 651 00:50:55,362 --> 00:50:58,230 [ Sighs ] I owe you 82 bucks. 652 00:50:58,231 --> 00:51:00,367 What for? The coffee's free. 653 00:51:01,534 --> 00:51:03,669 We had a bet. Remember? 654 00:51:03,670 --> 00:51:06,306 Don't be pathetic this early in the morning. 655 00:51:08,541 --> 00:51:10,377 It's over, tommy. 656 00:51:12,279 --> 00:51:13,880 I've lost katherine forever. 657 00:51:16,649 --> 00:51:19,152 This is not the time to throw in the towel, my boy. 658 00:51:20,487 --> 00:51:22,921 It's no use. 659 00:51:22,922 --> 00:51:25,592 [ Sighs ] You were right. 660 00:51:26,926 --> 00:51:29,828 I am no good. 661 00:51:29,829 --> 00:51:32,332 I never should have gotten married in the first place. 662 00:51:39,739 --> 00:51:42,175 Come on, I wanna show you something. 663 00:51:47,714 --> 00:51:51,217 [ Grunts ] Take a look at phil here. 664 00:51:51,218 --> 00:51:53,419 He's one of your ancestors. 665 00:51:53,420 --> 00:51:56,922 Of all the apes, who do you think has the biggest brain? 666 00:51:56,923 --> 00:51:59,925 Man. Man, right. 667 00:51:59,926 --> 00:52:03,395 And of all the apes, who do you think has the biggest sex organ? 668 00:52:03,396 --> 00:52:07,433 Him. Wrong. man. 669 00:52:07,434 --> 00:52:11,770 Man has the biggest brain and the biggest sex organ, all in the same body, 670 00:52:11,771 --> 00:52:15,207 only they don't belong together; they're natural enemies. 671 00:52:15,208 --> 00:52:17,543 What do you mean? 672 00:52:17,544 --> 00:52:21,213 For scientific purposes, let's call the brain "albert" And the pecker "duke." 673 00:52:21,214 --> 00:52:23,449 You got that? 674 00:52:23,450 --> 00:52:26,485 Now, albert and duke inhabit the same body. 675 00:52:26,486 --> 00:52:29,321 Oh, let's say yours. 676 00:52:29,322 --> 00:52:33,592 Albert has a lot of INTERESTS: His work, sports, etcetera. 677 00:52:33,593 --> 00:52:38,230 But duke has only got ONE: Sex. 678 00:52:38,231 --> 00:52:41,900 But that's okay, as long as you're single. That poses no problems. 679 00:52:41,901 --> 00:52:46,338 But one day, albert decides he wants more out of life. 680 00:52:46,339 --> 00:52:50,242 So he brings a girl home... let's call her katherine... 681 00:52:50,243 --> 00:52:52,944 to meet duke. 682 00:52:52,945 --> 00:52:57,316 Now duke is not all together excited about the idea of marriage. 683 00:52:57,317 --> 00:53:01,019 But albert, being the more clever of the two, convinces him. 684 00:53:01,020 --> 00:53:03,489 "Duke," he says. "Duke, 685 00:53:03,490 --> 00:53:05,691 "you can have her every night. 686 00:53:05,692 --> 00:53:08,260 I'm only interested in the days myself." 687 00:53:08,261 --> 00:53:10,996 So duke jumps at the deal. 688 00:53:10,997 --> 00:53:14,267 So they get married and they live happily ever after, right? 689 00:53:15,935 --> 00:53:19,971 Yeah. things go smoothly for six weeks or so. 690 00:53:19,972 --> 00:53:23,809 Then duke starts to get a little restless. 691 00:53:23,810 --> 00:53:26,678 He tells albert he wants to renegotiate. 692 00:53:26,679 --> 00:53:29,481 "I can't do that," says albert. "Marriage is for life." 693 00:53:29,482 --> 00:53:32,584 Duke gets upset. 694 00:53:32,585 --> 00:53:35,454 "That may be all right for you, pal, you've got other interests. 695 00:53:35,455 --> 00:53:40,292 But me, I'm stuck with a menu with only one dish on it. Good-bye." 696 00:53:40,293 --> 00:53:45,564 So, albert stands by helplessly and watches while duke starts to fool around. 697 00:53:45,565 --> 00:53:49,701 Well, of course it doesn't take long for katherine to smell a rat. 698 00:53:49,702 --> 00:53:52,771 And she approaches albert and she says, 699 00:53:52,772 --> 00:53:55,574 "I'm leaving." 700 00:53:55,575 --> 00:53:58,810 "But, katherine, I love you," says albert. 701 00:53:58,811 --> 00:54:02,681 "Oh-ho. I love you too," Said katherine. "That's not the problem. 702 00:54:02,682 --> 00:54:06,852 I married both of you, and one of you is not good enough." 703 00:54:06,853 --> 00:54:09,456 And off she goes into the sunset. 704 00:54:11,858 --> 00:54:14,361 How am I ever gonna get her back, tommy? 705 00:54:16,529 --> 00:54:21,833 Time will probably take care of that. Right now, you have a much bigger problem. 706 00:54:21,834 --> 00:54:26,004 What? How to convince duke to honor the deal. 707 00:54:26,005 --> 00:54:28,740 [ Grunts ] 708 00:54:28,741 --> 00:54:31,477 [ Katherine ] "Once there was a poet who could make up songs... 709 00:54:31,478 --> 00:54:33,912 "That would entice the fish from the sea, 710 00:54:33,913 --> 00:54:38,350 "the birds from the sky and the worms from the ground. 711 00:54:38,351 --> 00:54:41,653 [ Children ] eew. "The words he sang were as magical as any spell. 712 00:54:41,654 --> 00:54:45,090 "One day, the queen's daughter fell into a sulk. 713 00:54:45,091 --> 00:54:47,926 "The queen sent for a poet. 714 00:54:47,927 --> 00:54:51,463 'Your majesty, ' he said bowing very low, 'can I be of your service?'" 715 00:54:51,464 --> 00:54:54,500 The sandman. 716 00:54:54,501 --> 00:54:57,903 - [ All ] hi, Mr. Sandman. - Pamela, quiet. 717 00:54:57,904 --> 00:54:59,971 I'll be right back. [ Girl ] You're so handsome. 718 00:54:59,972 --> 00:55:02,809 [ Children laughing ] 719 00:55:06,513 --> 00:55:10,516 Okay... What is there to say? 720 00:55:10,517 --> 00:55:13,151 It was just sex? 721 00:55:13,152 --> 00:55:15,921 Michael, that it didn't mean anything? It didn't. 722 00:55:15,922 --> 00:55:18,590 Well, it did to me! 723 00:55:18,591 --> 00:55:22,094 Look, katy, I understand how you feel. 724 00:55:24,597 --> 00:55:28,835 Well, if you did, you wouldn't be trying to talk to me right now. 725 00:55:30,069 --> 00:55:33,572 [ Car horns honking ] 726 00:55:33,573 --> 00:55:37,609 I owe everything to a guy named fred patterson. He cured me. Who's fred patterson? 727 00:55:37,610 --> 00:55:41,046 The guy marie had an affair with. 728 00:55:41,047 --> 00:55:44,550 I didn't know about that. How'd you find out about it? 729 00:55:44,551 --> 00:55:47,553 Found one of the letters he wrote. He was a big letter writer. 730 00:55:47,554 --> 00:55:52,023 Disgusting stuff. How he wanted to lick her feet forever, stuff like that. 731 00:55:52,024 --> 00:55:55,661 He was an all-around disgusting little letter-writing creep. 732 00:55:55,662 --> 00:55:59,431 Wasn't even particularly good looking. So what was the attraction? 733 00:55:59,432 --> 00:56:02,534 He was attentive. I wasn't. 734 00:56:02,535 --> 00:56:06,972 It's never very complicated. In 2000 years, nobody has come up with a new reason to cheat. 735 00:56:06,973 --> 00:56:10,108 You just fall into somebody else's category. 736 00:56:10,109 --> 00:56:12,811 What did you do when you found out? 737 00:56:12,812 --> 00:56:15,815 Well, I went through several phases. 738 00:56:17,684 --> 00:56:21,086 [ Blows ] First one was crying. I cried a lot. 739 00:56:21,087 --> 00:56:26,758 Phase two, as I remember it, was anger and frustration. 740 00:56:26,759 --> 00:56:30,729 Very nasty phase. I must tell you... 741 00:56:30,730 --> 00:56:34,132 Whatever katherine does in this phase you can't hold against her. 742 00:56:34,133 --> 00:56:38,537 It's likely to be... Somewhat violent. 743 00:56:38,538 --> 00:56:42,073 I deserve anything I get. 744 00:56:42,074 --> 00:56:46,612 Believe me, you won't feel that way at the end of phase two. What's phase three? 745 00:56:46,613 --> 00:56:49,214 Decision time. 746 00:56:49,215 --> 00:56:52,751 The wound is almost healed, reality sets in. 747 00:56:52,752 --> 00:56:56,888 You got two options HERE: You can stay married or you can get a divorce. 748 00:56:56,889 --> 00:56:59,157 In our case, we decided to get back together. 749 00:56:59,158 --> 00:57:01,993 That's 'cause you loved each other. 750 00:57:01,994 --> 00:57:05,797 No. because we punished each other enough. 751 00:57:05,798 --> 00:57:09,167 Oh, we love each other. That was never the problem. 752 00:57:09,168 --> 00:57:12,838 What I'm talking about is something entirely different. What? 753 00:57:12,839 --> 00:57:16,743 First law of the JUNGLE: Balance of power. 754 00:57:19,111 --> 00:57:23,181 [ Girls shouting ] 755 00:57:23,182 --> 00:57:26,284 Come on, girls, drive it down the field. Let's keep the game going. 756 00:57:26,285 --> 00:57:29,556 Keep your sticks down. Let's go. 757 00:57:31,691 --> 00:57:34,826 Okay, defense, get the ball back. Come on, cindy, get in there! 758 00:57:34,827 --> 00:57:36,862 [ Girls continue shouting ] 759 00:57:36,863 --> 00:57:39,798 - what are you doing here? - Uh... 760 00:57:39,799 --> 00:57:42,000 your mother called last night. 761 00:57:42,001 --> 00:57:45,103 Five times. Okay, francisca! 762 00:57:45,104 --> 00:57:48,607 What did you say to her? First time she called, 763 00:57:48,608 --> 00:57:52,210 - good move! - I told her you were in the shower. 764 00:57:52,211 --> 00:57:54,312 The, uh... keep your stick down, joan. 765 00:57:54,313 --> 00:57:57,282 The third time she called, I said you went to the movies. 766 00:57:57,283 --> 00:58:00,018 Last time she called, which was 2:00 in the morning, 767 00:58:00,019 --> 00:58:02,688 I said you went on a field trip. 768 00:58:02,689 --> 00:58:06,157 - Oh, that was clever. - Well, what was I supposed to do? 769 00:58:06,158 --> 00:58:08,059 Tell her the truth? 770 00:58:08,060 --> 00:58:11,329 I don't think you're capable of that. 771 00:58:11,330 --> 00:58:16,001 Look, katherine, why don't you think about coming back on a temporary basis? 772 00:58:16,002 --> 00:58:17,969 Look, I could sleep on the couch! 773 00:58:17,970 --> 00:58:20,672 Then at least we could talk about this. 774 00:58:20,673 --> 00:58:22,674 [ High-pitched scream ] 775 00:58:22,675 --> 00:58:26,311 Oh, god! 776 00:58:26,312 --> 00:58:29,715 - [ Crying ] - Back up. Back up now. Gimme some room. 777 00:58:29,716 --> 00:58:32,050 Let her... that's it. Sue, are you all right? 778 00:58:32,051 --> 00:58:34,786 We saw what happened. Where does it hurt? 779 00:58:34,787 --> 00:58:37,255 My arm hurts everywhere. Ohhh. 780 00:58:37,256 --> 00:58:39,958 Should I call an ambulance? No, look. 781 00:58:39,959 --> 00:58:44,262 I can take her to fred bernstein before an ambulance can get here. 782 00:58:44,263 --> 00:58:47,733 Look, I'm gonna pick you up, sue, okay? okay? 783 00:58:47,734 --> 00:58:50,836 [ Crying continues ] That a girl. There we go. 784 00:58:50,837 --> 00:58:52,872 Come on. There we go. 785 00:59:02,815 --> 00:59:05,317 [ No audible dialogue ] 786 00:59:27,674 --> 00:59:29,976 Can I get you a cab? 787 00:59:31,744 --> 00:59:33,880 I'd rather walk. 788 00:59:35,815 --> 00:59:37,884 Can I walk with you? 789 00:59:39,686 --> 00:59:42,088 I don't think so. 790 00:59:46,192 --> 00:59:48,360 Good night, michael. 791 00:59:49,328 --> 00:59:51,363 Night. 792 00:59:56,068 --> 01:00:01,006 Michael, I can't talk to you because I don't know what to say. 793 01:00:01,007 --> 01:00:04,911 When I figure it out, I'll call. 794 01:00:12,018 --> 01:00:15,722 [ Children chattering, laughing ] 795 01:00:18,958 --> 01:00:21,993 Kate, darling! [ Sighs ] 796 01:00:21,994 --> 01:00:25,697 I happened to be in the neighborhood and thought you'd like to go shopping. 797 01:00:25,698 --> 01:00:29,868 Shopping or fishing? Let's have coffee and you can tell me all about it. 798 01:00:29,869 --> 01:00:31,970 I don't wanna talk about it. 799 01:00:31,971 --> 01:00:35,006 You have to. I'm your mother. 800 01:00:35,007 --> 01:00:40,245 I'm not interested in the sorted details. I just wanna make sure you're not overreacting. 801 01:00:40,246 --> 01:00:44,016 Mother, I walked in on him with his choo-choo in somebody else's tunnel. 802 01:00:45,852 --> 01:00:48,854 What did you do? What do you mean? 803 01:00:48,855 --> 01:00:52,023 I mean, what... did you yell at him? Throw something at him? 804 01:00:52,024 --> 01:00:55,193 Did you faint? I just left. 805 01:00:55,194 --> 01:00:58,196 You mean you turned around and walked out? More or less. 806 01:00:58,197 --> 01:01:02,033 You mean you ran. What difference does it make? How I reacted is not the point. 807 01:01:02,034 --> 01:01:07,005 How a woman reacts in a situation like this is very much the point. 808 01:01:07,006 --> 01:01:09,975 It's hardly the way I would have reacted. 809 01:01:09,976 --> 01:01:14,079 Well, you never been in that situation, have you? Well, of course, I have. 810 01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:17,382 When you were nine years old, I walked in on your father and a Miss jeckman. 811 01:01:17,383 --> 01:01:20,185 Miss jeckman? Mm-hmm. 812 01:01:20,186 --> 01:01:23,188 My third grade teacher? That's right. 813 01:01:23,189 --> 01:01:25,891 They were having their own private PT.A. Meeting. 814 01:01:25,892 --> 01:01:28,326 What did you do? 815 01:01:28,327 --> 01:01:30,762 We discussed it, intelligently, 816 01:01:30,763 --> 01:01:35,133 like two adults who were very much in love and wanted to have a long marriage. 817 01:01:35,134 --> 01:01:37,268 And then I broke every bone in his foot. 818 01:01:37,269 --> 01:01:39,370 You're kidding. I am not. 819 01:01:39,371 --> 01:01:43,208 Remember that antique bulldog, the one we used for a doorstop? 820 01:01:43,209 --> 01:01:47,913 The one made of lead? Yes, that's the one. I just dropped it right on his ankle. 821 01:01:47,914 --> 01:01:50,882 Mother. Never did set quite right. no. 822 01:01:50,883 --> 01:01:54,319 You never wondered why he walks with a limp? 823 01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:57,188 Well, he always told me it was a war wound. 824 01:01:57,189 --> 01:02:00,892 Hmm. well, I guess it was in a way. 825 01:02:00,893 --> 01:02:03,428 Marriage is very much like a war. 826 01:02:03,429 --> 01:02:07,065 The victory is just making it through alive. 827 01:02:07,066 --> 01:02:11,469 You've got to be ready to make a crucial decision. The thing is, o nce you get into it, 828 01:02:11,470 --> 01:02:14,205 What's that? 829 01:02:14,206 --> 01:02:17,276 Whether to surrender, or whether to stay and fight. 830 01:02:20,346 --> 01:02:22,848 We are gathered here today... 831 01:02:22,849 --> 01:02:25,951 In the presence of the fruits of the world... 832 01:02:25,952 --> 01:02:29,387 To join in holy matrimony this kiwi... 833 01:02:29,388 --> 01:02:32,090 And this mango. 834 01:02:32,091 --> 01:02:35,327 ♪ [ "Wedding March" ] 835 01:02:48,474 --> 01:02:52,177 So, what do you think? I think I'm gonna throw up. 836 01:02:52,178 --> 01:02:55,546 Mike, what's the coverage total? Everything in sight. 837 01:02:55,547 --> 01:02:57,883 He just loves it! 838 01:02:57,884 --> 01:03:00,618 It's absolutely fabulous. 839 01:03:00,619 --> 01:03:02,889 Fabulous. 840 01:03:09,028 --> 01:03:12,530 [ Katherine ] Michael. Katherine. 841 01:03:12,531 --> 01:03:17,535 I hope I'm not interrupting you. No. 842 01:03:17,536 --> 01:03:20,438 I've been thinking about everything and I finally realized... 843 01:03:20,439 --> 01:03:24,209 That it wasn't just the act itself that really bothered me. 844 01:03:24,210 --> 01:03:26,411 It was the dishonesty behind it. 845 01:03:26,412 --> 01:03:30,615 Katherine, I'm sorry. you don't know how sorry I really am. But there was a reason... 846 01:03:30,616 --> 01:03:35,353 michael! I don't need to know why it happened. 847 01:03:35,354 --> 01:03:39,024 The important thing is that it did happen. 848 01:03:39,025 --> 01:03:41,426 And there's nothing you can do to make it "unhappen." 849 01:03:41,427 --> 01:03:45,030 Maybe in the scheme of things it was a small lie. 850 01:03:45,031 --> 01:03:49,135 But right now, I'm not sure if it wasn't all one big lie. 851 01:04:59,438 --> 01:05:02,008 [ Knocking ] 852 01:05:04,676 --> 01:05:06,978 [ Whispers ] Get. 853 01:05:06,979 --> 01:05:09,215 [ Unlocks door ] 854 01:05:12,084 --> 01:05:15,153 Katherine's not here. [ Michael ] I don't believe you. 855 01:05:15,154 --> 01:05:18,389 [ Chuckles ] You don't have a choice. Don't I? 856 01:05:18,390 --> 01:05:20,758 What are you doing? My wife's here. I wanna talk to her. 857 01:05:20,759 --> 01:05:24,762 No. If you don't, you'll never put a violin to that chin without thinking about me. 858 01:05:24,763 --> 01:05:26,698 [ Katherine ] Michael. 859 01:05:27,733 --> 01:05:30,702 It's all right, walter. 860 01:05:32,671 --> 01:05:35,207 Do you want me to call the police? That's okay. I'm fine. 861 01:05:41,413 --> 01:05:45,416 Sorry to barge in here like this but I have something very important to say to you. 862 01:05:45,417 --> 01:05:48,454 It couldn't be done over the phone. 863 01:05:50,556 --> 01:05:54,559 What you said today about my being dishonest, 864 01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:57,528 I just want you to know I think you're absolutely right. 865 01:05:57,529 --> 01:06:01,532 I have been dishonest with you, very dishonest. 866 01:06:01,533 --> 01:06:05,071 And not just since we were married. 867 01:06:08,174 --> 01:06:12,177 We have been together for two years and three months. 868 01:06:12,178 --> 01:06:15,080 You know how many women I've been with during that time? 869 01:06:15,081 --> 01:06:18,484 - I don't care. - well, you may not care, but you should know! 870 01:06:20,386 --> 01:06:25,323 To the best of my knowledge, this is a complete list. 871 01:06:25,324 --> 01:06:28,760 I've added the dates and circumstances wherever I could remember. 872 01:06:42,474 --> 01:06:44,810 The ones with the stars next to them are the repeats. 873 01:06:56,788 --> 01:07:00,491 Katherine, I'll do anything you want me to do. you want me to talk to somebody? 874 01:07:00,492 --> 01:07:03,394 I'll talk to a priest, psychiatrist, marriage counselor. 875 01:07:03,395 --> 01:07:05,831 Anybody. 876 01:07:07,666 --> 01:07:10,369 Just tell me what you want me to do, I'll do it. 877 01:07:11,503 --> 01:07:14,340 Katherine, I'll kill for you. 878 01:07:15,807 --> 01:07:17,809 I'll die for you. 879 01:07:18,810 --> 01:07:20,846 Please. 880 01:07:22,648 --> 01:07:24,550 Say something. 881 01:07:35,794 --> 01:07:37,828 [ Sighs ] 882 01:07:37,829 --> 01:07:40,266 Michael. 883 01:07:42,801 --> 01:07:45,604 [ Groaning ] 884 01:07:49,775 --> 01:07:53,479 Maybe you'd like me to call the police. [ Chuckles ] 885 01:07:56,715 --> 01:07:59,717 [ Knocking ] 886 01:07:59,718 --> 01:08:02,521 [ Doorbell ringing ] 887 01:08:06,292 --> 01:08:08,294 [ Moaning ] 888 01:08:10,896 --> 01:08:14,265 [ Moaning continues ] 889 01:08:14,266 --> 01:08:16,602 [ Loud knocking ] Coming. 890 01:08:20,672 --> 01:08:22,508 [ Groans ] 891 01:08:26,578 --> 01:08:29,615 [ Clears throat, coughing ] 892 01:08:41,627 --> 01:08:45,330 Want some coffee? No, thanks. I'm not staying long. 893 01:08:45,331 --> 01:08:48,733 What time is it? Oh, it's about 7:30. 894 01:08:48,734 --> 01:08:52,737 Ooh. did you bring up the paper? 895 01:08:52,738 --> 01:08:54,640 No. 896 01:09:00,312 --> 01:09:05,250 Are you all right? [ Straining ] Yeah. yeah. I... 897 01:09:05,251 --> 01:09:06,952 no broken bone party for me. 898 01:09:08,987 --> 01:09:12,558 Look, I'm sorry I lost my temper like that. [ Groans ] 899 01:09:13,892 --> 01:09:15,961 I don't blame you. 900 01:09:20,232 --> 01:09:22,600 It wasn't the list, you know. 901 01:09:22,601 --> 01:09:25,536 It wasn't? No. 902 01:09:25,537 --> 01:09:28,339 It was the idea that you could think I was that stupid. 903 01:09:28,340 --> 01:09:30,741 What are you talking about? 904 01:09:30,742 --> 01:09:35,281 The other day I told you what bothered me so much was the dishonesty. 905 01:09:37,316 --> 01:09:41,387 Well, the fact of the matter is I've been just as dishonest as you have. 906 01:09:44,923 --> 01:09:47,658 I knew what you were doing the whole time. 907 01:09:47,659 --> 01:09:49,628 You did? 908 01:09:51,497 --> 01:09:54,265 I didn't have any proof or anything, 909 01:09:54,266 --> 01:09:57,302 but there must be a seventh sense for something like that. 910 01:09:57,303 --> 01:09:59,537 I always felt it anyway. 911 01:09:59,538 --> 01:10:01,640 Why didn't you say something? 912 01:10:03,675 --> 01:10:06,395 [ Sighs ] Because as long as I kept quiet, I didn't have to admit it. 913 01:10:08,314 --> 01:10:13,519 Oh, we were the perfect couple, each living our own separate lies. 914 01:10:15,053 --> 01:10:17,456 So you see, it's not just your problem. 915 01:10:19,057 --> 01:10:21,627 I have to start learning to be honest with myself. 916 01:10:24,963 --> 01:10:27,732 And I honestly don't think we can make it work. 917 01:10:27,733 --> 01:10:31,437 - Now, katherine, don't... - let me finish, please. 918 01:10:34,306 --> 01:10:36,707 [ Quivers ] 919 01:10:36,708 --> 01:10:39,511 I didn't think I could ever consider a life without you. 920 01:10:41,580 --> 01:10:43,748 And I still don't know if I can. 921 01:10:43,749 --> 01:10:46,785 But I have to try. 922 01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:50,888 I'm filing for divorce. 923 01:10:50,889 --> 01:10:53,724 Oh, jesus, katherine. 924 01:10:53,725 --> 01:10:56,761 I can change. 925 01:10:56,762 --> 01:10:59,565 I know I can change. 926 01:11:03,569 --> 01:11:05,936 Please. 927 01:11:05,937 --> 01:11:07,973 Just gimme one more chance. 928 01:11:13,812 --> 01:11:16,548 I promised you I'd never let this happen. 929 01:11:20,085 --> 01:11:22,087 You promised me a lot of things. 930 01:11:35,534 --> 01:11:39,904 [ Car horns honking ] [ Oliver ] The sponsor killed it. 931 01:11:39,905 --> 01:11:44,509 That's tough. I have a new idea. Do you want to hear it? 932 01:11:44,510 --> 01:11:48,414 Oliver, I don't think I'd make a very good audience right now. Why not? 933 01:11:50,081 --> 01:11:52,450 I just found out I'm getting divorced. 934 01:11:52,451 --> 01:11:56,787 Oh, no. Oh, I'm so sorry. 935 01:11:56,788 --> 01:12:00,725 Oh, god, I know just how you feel. 936 01:12:00,726 --> 01:12:04,729 Believe me, the only answer is just go away for a while. 937 01:12:04,730 --> 01:12:10,000 From my experience, divorce has a half-life of about six months and that's it. 938 01:12:10,001 --> 01:12:12,537 I thought you were married for 14 years. 939 01:12:12,538 --> 01:12:15,606 Yeah, but not to the same woman. I've been married three times. 940 01:12:15,607 --> 01:12:18,008 You're kidding. No. 941 01:12:18,009 --> 01:12:20,411 That's the good thing about marriage. 942 01:12:20,412 --> 01:12:23,581 It's the only real cure for divorce. 943 01:12:23,582 --> 01:12:28,453 By the way, a little girl stopped in and dropped off this package for you. 944 01:12:28,454 --> 01:12:31,456 Oh. did she have a cast on her wrist? 945 01:12:31,457 --> 01:12:33,658 Yeah, yeah, she did. 946 01:12:33,659 --> 01:12:37,895 Well, I got to go, so see you later. 947 01:12:37,896 --> 01:12:40,065 See ya, oliver. 948 01:13:08,727 --> 01:13:11,062 [ Sighs ] 949 01:13:26,778 --> 01:13:29,981 ♪ [ "Wedding March" ] 950 01:13:41,893 --> 01:13:44,730 ♪ [ Continues ] 951 01:14:11,990 --> 01:14:15,260 [ Slams piano, keys droning ] [ Crying ] 952 01:14:27,839 --> 01:14:30,875 [ Walter clears throat ] Hi. 953 01:14:30,876 --> 01:14:36,180 I think maybe you should stay another week or so. It'll be easier then. 954 01:14:36,181 --> 01:14:40,752 It'll never be easy. If I don't move out now, I may not have the nerve tomorrow. 955 01:14:46,057 --> 01:14:49,560 I'm gonna Miss you. I'll be in the neighborhood. 956 01:14:49,561 --> 01:14:52,963 [ Chuckles ] It won't be quite the same. 957 01:14:52,964 --> 01:14:55,099 Do you wanna talk? 958 01:14:55,100 --> 01:14:57,168 No, I don't think so. 959 01:14:59,805 --> 01:15:02,073 I'll be in bed reading if you change your mind. 960 01:15:03,909 --> 01:15:05,744 Thanks. 961 01:15:24,796 --> 01:15:26,632 [ Flips switch ] 962 01:15:48,186 --> 01:15:50,255 [ Groans ] 963 01:15:53,659 --> 01:15:56,594 [ Clears throat ] 964 01:16:00,666 --> 01:16:04,235 Hello, girls. This is the sandman with a new story. 965 01:16:17,248 --> 01:16:21,886 Before I leave tomorrow, there's something that I've been wanting to ask you for a long time. 966 01:16:21,887 --> 01:16:23,988 What's that? 967 01:16:23,989 --> 01:16:26,423 Well... 968 01:16:26,424 --> 01:16:28,726 um... [ Clears throat ] 969 01:16:28,727 --> 01:16:33,297 Uh... Why haven't you ever tried to make love to me? 970 01:16:33,298 --> 01:16:35,733 Oh, boy. 971 01:16:35,734 --> 01:16:38,736 Oh, I'm sorry. It's none of my business. 972 01:16:38,737 --> 01:16:41,739 No, no, no, no. It's a fair question. 973 01:16:41,740 --> 01:16:44,141 I have asked myself many times. 974 01:16:44,142 --> 01:16:47,978 You have? Sure. 975 01:16:47,979 --> 01:16:51,348 But, uh, we've always been friends. 976 01:16:51,349 --> 01:16:54,151 And friendship... 977 01:16:54,152 --> 01:16:58,322 Usually precludes sex. 978 01:16:58,323 --> 01:17:00,791 Well, it doesn't always. 979 01:17:00,792 --> 01:17:04,329 You don't have to be in love to make love. 980 01:17:08,299 --> 01:17:12,169 Kathy, I never thought you were the kind of person to make that distinction. 981 01:17:12,170 --> 01:17:15,773 Well, I think it's time I learned. 982 01:17:15,774 --> 01:17:19,209 And you've picked me for your teacher. You were in the neighborhood. 983 01:17:19,210 --> 01:17:23,213 [ Both laughing ] 984 01:17:23,214 --> 01:17:26,116 If we went to bed, 985 01:17:26,117 --> 01:17:29,020 you think we'd still be friends in the morning? 986 01:17:31,957 --> 01:17:34,692 We might be better friends. 987 01:17:36,327 --> 01:17:40,265 [ Thunder rumbling ] 988 01:17:48,073 --> 01:17:50,876 [ Knocking ] 989 01:17:53,244 --> 01:17:55,279 [ Doorbell ringing ] 990 01:17:55,280 --> 01:17:58,049 [ Loud knocking ] 991 01:18:01,219 --> 01:18:03,320 [ Ringing ] 992 01:18:03,321 --> 01:18:06,391 [ Thunderclap ] 993 01:18:07,458 --> 01:18:09,995 [ Knocking ] 994 01:18:11,963 --> 01:18:14,800 [ Groans ] [ Ringing ] 995 01:18:17,869 --> 01:18:21,338 Jesus. 996 01:18:21,339 --> 01:18:24,975 Walter, I'm sorry to bother you so late. I have something for katherine. 997 01:18:24,976 --> 01:18:27,477 I'd like to give it to her. You picked a bad time. 998 01:18:27,478 --> 01:18:29,380 Katherine's in bed... With me. 999 01:18:45,997 --> 01:18:47,866 [ Soft moan ] 1000 01:18:50,301 --> 01:18:53,038 I guess I should have called first, huh? 1001 01:18:56,441 --> 01:18:59,044 I brought this for school. 1002 01:19:50,195 --> 01:19:53,899 ♪ [ "Mary Had A Little Lamb" ] 1003 01:19:58,436 --> 01:20:03,173 What are you doin'? Changing phil's tire. Gonna move him to a radial for winter. 1004 01:20:03,174 --> 01:20:07,511 What's new? I've come to a very important conclusion about my life. 1005 01:20:07,512 --> 01:20:12,216 Oh, you've decided to live with the truth. You're an animal and you always will be. 1006 01:20:12,217 --> 01:20:16,553 I'm an animal with a brain. Not a very big one, maybe, but a brain nonetheless. 1007 01:20:16,554 --> 01:20:20,891 I was thinking more about what you said about duke. about how to get him to honor the deal. 1008 01:20:20,892 --> 01:20:23,493 You threaten to cut him off. 1009 01:20:23,494 --> 01:20:27,531 No, I reasoned with him. I presented him with something he couldn't argue with. 1010 01:20:27,532 --> 01:20:29,900 Oh, yeah. what's that? 1011 01:20:29,901 --> 01:20:32,536 Simple arithmetic. Take all the women, 1012 01:20:32,537 --> 01:20:37,507 all the one-night stands, all the instant gratification, 1013 01:20:37,508 --> 01:20:40,177 when you add 'em up... 1014 01:20:40,178 --> 01:20:43,647 They're not worth one minute with somebody that you really love. 1015 01:20:43,648 --> 01:20:48,085 My boy, allow me to congratulate you. You've done it. 1016 01:20:48,086 --> 01:20:52,156 There's only one thing wrong. What? 1017 01:20:52,157 --> 01:20:54,025 I did it too late. 1018 01:20:56,294 --> 01:20:58,662 Come on. 1019 01:20:58,663 --> 01:21:01,632 [ Children shouting ] 1020 01:21:05,536 --> 01:21:08,672 Mrs. Donovan, can we have the sandman today? 1021 01:21:08,673 --> 01:21:11,508 [ All ] Please? 1022 01:21:11,509 --> 01:21:15,345 Okay. [ All cheering ] 1023 01:21:15,346 --> 01:21:17,347 [ Excited shouting ] 1024 01:21:17,348 --> 01:21:21,018 If you can lie down and be very quiet. 1025 01:21:21,019 --> 01:21:22,653 [ All ] We will. we will. 1026 01:21:35,700 --> 01:21:40,270 [ Michael ] Hello, girls. This is the sandman with a new story. 1027 01:21:40,271 --> 01:21:44,041 It's called the story of albert and duke. 1028 01:21:44,042 --> 01:21:47,111 Once upon a time, deep in the forest... 1029 01:21:47,112 --> 01:21:51,415 Lived a couple of snakes by the names of albert and duke. 1030 01:21:51,416 --> 01:21:55,185 Now even though they had a very good life, 1031 01:21:55,186 --> 01:21:57,587 something seemed to be missing. 1032 01:21:57,588 --> 01:22:02,059 And one day they finally realized what it was. 1033 01:22:02,060 --> 01:22:05,329 They needed a friend to share their life with. 1034 01:22:05,330 --> 01:22:08,332 So off they went the following day, 1035 01:22:08,333 --> 01:22:11,235 slithering through the forest searching for a friend. 1036 01:22:11,236 --> 01:22:14,238 But they didn't find one in the forest. 1037 01:22:14,239 --> 01:22:20,010 So they journeyed beyond until they came to a big lake. 1038 01:22:20,011 --> 01:22:23,780 And what do you think they saw standing by that lake? 1039 01:22:23,781 --> 01:22:26,216 But a beautiful princess. 1040 01:22:26,217 --> 01:22:29,553 Duke wanted to approach her immediately, 1041 01:22:29,554 --> 01:22:34,091 but albert couldn't believe that a princess would want to live with two snakes. 1042 01:22:34,092 --> 01:22:38,162 But duke finally convinced albert that it was all right to try. 1043 01:22:38,163 --> 01:22:42,466 So they went up to her and they talked to her. 1044 01:22:42,467 --> 01:22:46,403 She was very nice. She put them both at ease. 1045 01:22:46,404 --> 01:22:50,240 And finally they decided to pop the question. 1046 01:22:50,241 --> 01:22:53,243 They asked the princess to come and live with them. 1047 01:22:53,244 --> 01:22:58,048 And to their happy surprise, she said yes. 1048 01:22:58,049 --> 01:23:00,450 "On one CONDITION: 1049 01:23:00,451 --> 01:23:04,054 That you promise never to turn your backs on me." 1050 01:23:04,055 --> 01:23:07,791 Well, this was such a simple condition that they both agreed immediately. 1051 01:23:07,792 --> 01:23:11,161 And off they went into the forest to set up house. 1052 01:23:11,162 --> 01:23:14,531 Albert and duke were happier than they had ever been. 1053 01:23:14,532 --> 01:23:16,800 And the princess seemed happy too. 1054 01:23:16,801 --> 01:23:20,304 Then one day something happened. 1055 01:23:20,305 --> 01:23:24,274 Albert wanted the princess to go for a walk with him. 1056 01:23:24,275 --> 01:23:28,312 But duke wanted to lie in the sun with her. 1057 01:23:28,313 --> 01:23:32,149 And the princess suggested that they play leapfrog, 1058 01:23:32,150 --> 01:23:34,251 but duke didn't want to. 1059 01:23:34,252 --> 01:23:37,454 He wanted to climb a tree instead. 1060 01:23:37,455 --> 01:23:41,325 And so finally, albert and duke decided to step outside and settle it. 1061 01:23:41,326 --> 01:23:44,528 And out they went into the forest, where the argument raged... 1062 01:23:44,529 --> 01:23:46,863 For hours and hours, 1063 01:23:46,864 --> 01:23:51,235 with albert making one suggestion and then duke another, 1064 01:23:51,236 --> 01:23:54,704 until finally it was dark and they were both exhausted. 1065 01:23:54,705 --> 01:24:00,244 At this point, albert said, "I got an idea. 1066 01:24:00,245 --> 01:24:03,313 Let's let the princess decide." 1067 01:24:03,314 --> 01:24:06,384 Duke agreed, and they both rushed back to the house. 1068 01:24:09,287 --> 01:24:14,258 Whey they got back to the house, they discovered that the princess was gone. 1069 01:24:14,259 --> 01:24:19,396 They searched all over t he house but she was nowhere to be found. 1070 01:24:19,397 --> 01:24:24,234 And finally, they saw a note on the pillow. 1071 01:24:24,235 --> 01:24:28,172 It said, "dear albert and DUKE: 1072 01:24:28,173 --> 01:24:31,341 "I was very happy with you, 1073 01:24:31,342 --> 01:24:33,877 "but a promise is a promise. 1074 01:24:33,878 --> 01:24:36,880 "I'm sorry. 1075 01:24:36,881 --> 01:24:40,284 [ Sighs ] "But I have to leave you. 1076 01:24:40,285 --> 01:24:42,452 "Good-bye, 1077 01:24:42,453 --> 01:24:44,454 the princess." 1078 01:24:44,455 --> 01:24:47,224 Albert and duke were very unhappy... 1079 01:24:47,225 --> 01:24:51,361 Because they had been thoughtless. 1080 01:24:51,362 --> 01:24:55,233 But... Even though they had broken their promise, 1081 01:24:58,369 --> 01:25:01,672 they believed they could do better if she would ever come back. 1082 01:25:03,641 --> 01:25:05,710 So they decided to wait. 1083 01:25:07,645 --> 01:25:11,681 And to this day, if you go into the forest, you'll find them waiting. 1084 01:25:11,682 --> 01:25:15,285 Because although... 1085 01:25:15,286 --> 01:25:17,921 A promise is a promise, 1086 01:25:17,922 --> 01:25:20,825 even snakes deserve a second chance. 1087 01:26:07,938 --> 01:26:11,308 I just came back to explain last night. 1088 01:26:11,309 --> 01:26:15,479 - You don't owe me explanations. - I wanted you to know it wasn't revenge. 1089 01:26:15,480 --> 01:26:18,849 [ Soft chuckle ] I was kind of hoping it was. 1090 01:26:21,018 --> 01:26:24,421 It was curiosity more than anything. 1091 01:26:24,422 --> 01:26:28,325 I wanted to know what it was like to have sex with someone you weren't in love with. 1092 01:26:28,326 --> 01:26:32,497 I wanted to see if that kind of sex was better than the other kind. 1093 01:26:34,832 --> 01:26:37,467 Was it? It wasn't exactly better. 1094 01:26:37,468 --> 01:26:41,938 But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't good. 1095 01:26:41,939 --> 01:26:46,876 What was so good about it? All right, I take it back. I don't wanna know. 1096 01:26:46,877 --> 01:26:50,680 You know already. That kind of sex is just different. 1097 01:26:50,681 --> 01:26:54,518 More uninhibited. More selfish. 1098 01:26:54,519 --> 01:26:56,720 More physical. 1099 01:26:56,721 --> 01:26:59,290 Walter was more physical than me? 1100 01:27:00,658 --> 01:27:02,793 Well... No. 1101 01:27:03,894 --> 01:27:06,530 I guess I was. 1102 01:27:06,531 --> 01:27:09,933 - you saying it was better with him than me? - no! 1103 01:27:09,934 --> 01:27:12,902 It's just that with that kind of sex, you wind up doing more. 1104 01:27:12,903 --> 01:27:14,972 More. 1105 01:27:16,641 --> 01:27:19,577 What more did you do? 1106 01:27:21,346 --> 01:27:24,614 I don't know. Everything. 1107 01:27:24,615 --> 01:27:27,817 Everything? you never did everything with me. 1108 01:27:27,818 --> 01:27:30,086 Whose fault is that? 1109 01:27:30,087 --> 01:27:32,422 Are we talking about the same "everything"? 1110 01:27:32,423 --> 01:27:35,992 Well, I can at least speak for my everything. 1111 01:27:35,993 --> 01:27:40,297 Given your vast experience, I'm sure your everything is a whole lot bigger than mine. 1112 01:27:46,737 --> 01:27:49,340 You know everything that I know. 1113 01:27:56,747 --> 01:27:59,350 I learned even more last night. 1114 01:28:01,686 --> 01:28:05,990 As good as that kind of sex is, it's not worth giving up a marriage for. 1115 01:28:09,093 --> 01:28:12,962 So, if you can forget about last night, 1116 01:28:12,963 --> 01:28:15,833 I suggest we try it again. 1117 01:28:20,471 --> 01:28:23,740 I can forget. can you? 1118 01:28:23,741 --> 01:28:27,645 - I'll try. - So will I. 1119 01:28:31,749 --> 01:28:34,718 [ Sighs ] 1120 01:28:34,719 --> 01:28:38,723 You know, as painful as it was, I'm glad you got even. 1121 01:28:40,758 --> 01:28:43,026 Even? 1122 01:28:43,027 --> 01:28:46,530 You call 18 to one even? 1123 01:28:46,531 --> 01:28:49,132 Well, you can't count what happened before we got married. 1124 01:28:49,133 --> 01:28:53,069 Let's make one thing very clear so there's no confusion next time. 1125 01:28:53,070 --> 01:28:55,939 Everything counts. You look at another woman, don't hit my ribs. 1126 01:28:55,940 --> 01:28:59,576 Including the naked vacuumer back there, and I'll see to it... 1127 01:28:59,577 --> 01:29:02,412 You host the biggest broken bone party in history; your own. 1128 01:29:02,413 --> 01:29:05,114 You got a deal. 1129 01:29:05,115 --> 01:29:07,785 Don't think it's gonna be easy, michael. I don't. 1130 01:29:09,620 --> 01:29:13,156 I'm not the same person you married last time. Good. 1131 01:29:13,157 --> 01:29:16,793 Then you shouldn't have to cheat anymore. What? 1132 01:29:16,794 --> 01:29:20,764 I want a real five-second head start this time. 1133 01:29:20,765 --> 01:29:23,833 Starting when? 1134 01:29:23,834 --> 01:29:26,436 Now. One Mississippi, 1135 01:29:26,437 --> 01:29:29,072 two Mississippi, 1136 01:29:29,073 --> 01:29:32,409 three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi. 1137 01:29:34,579 --> 01:29:36,914 Ooh, michael! 1138 01:29:38,883 --> 01:29:40,984 - Ow! - You all right? 1139 01:29:40,985 --> 01:29:43,153 No, I'm not all right! 1140 01:29:44,522 --> 01:29:46,190 Good. 1141 01:29:48,192 --> 01:29:52,529 I said we could start over. I didn't say it would be painless. 1142 01:29:52,530 --> 01:29:54,931 ♪ ♪ 1143 01:29:54,932 --> 01:29:58,902 ♪ Mr. Sandman Bring me a dream ♪ 1144 01:29:58,903 --> 01:30:03,006 ♪ Make Him The Cutest That I've ever seen ♪ 1145 01:30:03,007 --> 01:30:07,076 ♪ Give Him The Word That I'm not a rover ♪ 1146 01:30:07,077 --> 01:30:10,847 ♪ Then Tell Him That His lonesome nights are over ♪ 1147 01:30:10,848 --> 01:30:14,951 ♪ Mr. Sandman I'm so alone ♪ 1148 01:30:14,952 --> 01:30:18,755 ♪ Don't Have Nobody To call my own ♪ 1149 01:30:18,756 --> 01:30:21,958 ♪ Please Turn On Your magic beam ♪ 1150 01:30:21,959 --> 01:30:25,462 ♪ Mr. Sandman Bring me a dream ♪ 1151 01:30:57,728 --> 01:31:01,931 ♪ Mr. Sandman Bring me a dream ♪ 1152 01:31:01,932 --> 01:31:05,735 ♪ Give Him A Pair Of Eyes With a come-hither gleam ♪ 1153 01:31:05,736 --> 01:31:10,139 ♪ Give Him A Lonely Heart Like pagliacci ♪ 1154 01:31:10,140 --> 01:31:13,743 ♪ And Lots Of Wavy Hair Like liberace ♪ 1155 01:31:13,744 --> 01:31:18,047 ♪ Mr. Sandman Someone to hold ♪ 1156 01:31:18,048 --> 01:31:21,284 ♪ Would Be So Peachy Before we're too old ♪ 1157 01:31:21,285 --> 01:31:25,088 ♪ So Please Turn On Your magic beam ♪ 1158 01:31:25,089 --> 01:31:27,691 ♪ Mr. Sandman Bring us ♪ 1159 01:31:27,692 --> 01:31:29,726 ♪ Please, Please Bring Us ♪ 1160 01:31:29,727 --> 01:31:35,799 ♪ Mr. Sandman Bring us a dream ♪ 1161 01:34:36,080 --> 01:34:38,082 [ Meows ] 1161 01:34:39,305 --> 01:35:39,824 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/6z3an Help other users to choose the best subtitles